The other day, I said to my neighbor, Tom, that I hate the mother in the Lady Bird movie. Surprised, my neighbor answered that he disagreed. He said: “Every mother is like that. Every parent has a contentious relationship with their kids, especially her daughter.”
Mmm, I disagree and allow me to explain myself.
You may know that the movie Lady Bird, directed by Greta Gerwig, is about a turbulent bond between a mother and her teenage daughter. T
The mom in “Lady Bird” (Laurie Metcalf) is often called a ‘wildly loving, deeply opinionated, and strong-willed mom. A nurse working overtime to keep her family afloat.
Lady Bird is regarded as an affecting look at the relationships that shape us, the beliefs that define us, and the unmatched beauty of a place called home.
Let me explain why the mom rubs me the wrong way. I see the mom in Lady Bird as continuously lashing out at her daughter, justified by her own feelings of being a victim.
- She doesn’t see how the combination of resentment about working long hours, her own broken dreams, and her own stubbornness and passive aggressive attitude, all push her child away.
- She also doesn’t understand that the home she provides for her daughter is not a safe haven, not a place where her daughter can practice using her wings.
In that first scene in the car…
– the mom talks about not liking her daughter’s work ethic. We realize that the mom has such a strong work ethic that she can’t see anything else. She’s afraid that her daughter will never develop. She cannot stop ranting– using words like “prison”:
“You’ll end up in prison because of your work ethic…”
I do recognize the agony of having a teenager who just cannot speed up, or does homework in a mediocre way. She doesn’t clean up her clothes because “why would she.”
It is a major attack on self-esteem to tell your kid that she won’t amount to anything. Basically implying that community college, mixed with prison, are the most likely places where she is headed.
Why would the mother do that?
To feel better or to add more hurt to the situation? Why would a mother, in a time when mothers are trying to raise strong daughters, kick her daughter back down?
Right down to a spot where she cannot honestly express her teenage self, however she sees herself. Thus making her afraid to ask for help or support?
“I don’t know any woman who has a simple relationship with her mother or with her daughter,” director Gerwig says. “It has a tremendous amount of love—and a tremendous amount of angst.”
That statement I can understand.
We are still learning so much about communication and emotional intelligence, yet most of us do not incorporate much of it.
Most of us still mimic the way our parents raised us: in a reactive way.
For example, when our kids don’t perform – we parents often become angry and start yelling. Instead, we should be settling on the couch to have a truly curious conversation about whatever is really going on, What is causing that kid not to perform.
A far more helpful approach would be to find out what is missing in their teenager’s perception. What is needed so that they can feel supported, however small or big the missing piece?
In the end, my heart broke when I saw the teenager feel so uncomfortable at a party with new people.
In these new situations, where almost everyone is uncomfortable at first, it would have been so good if the teenager had gone to the party with a warm spot in her heart. Filled with a sense of good self-esteem and thorough knowledge that she is loved and supported. Lady Bird didn’t. Her mom had created a great recipe for how to slowly break down confidence.
Greta Gerwig’s film, Lady Bird, is slowly becoming the breakout, must-see movie.
This coming-of-age drama, which stars Saoirse Ronan as the titular character (her real name is “Christine,” but she goes by “Lady Bird”), landed in the top 10 films of 2017. It grossed more than $28 million despite only playing in 238 theaters when first released. It won a Golden Globe for best motion picture, and Saoirse Ronan, playing the role of Lady Bird, won the Golden Globe award for best performance by an actress. Ladybird will be represented in the 2018 Academy Awards.
I urge you to please go see this movie so that you know what you don’t want to turn into!
http://www.indiewire.com/2017/12/lady-bird-box-office-a24-moonlight-1201910789/
https://www.newyorker.com/culture/richard-brody/greta-gerwigs-exquisite-flawed-lady-bird
https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2017/11/lady-bird-greta-gerwig-review/544721/
Source photo: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/31/movies/lady-bird-review-greta-gerwig-saoirse-ronan.html