Whew!! I just spent five hours cleaning up our home!
This clean-up reminds me, yet again, that the job of a parent can be so busy that we often think that being busy is what the job is all about. We seem to easily accept that to be a parent means “doing” all the time.
Yes, parents, working inside or outside the home, are busy organizing, planning, solving problems, bringing food to the house. Then, preparing it, taking the children to school and back home again, driving them to after-school activities and playdates, or “homework dates.”
Also, parents often think about what or why something happened and how to prevent something from happening again next time. We worry. Let’s call this constant thinking yet another part of “doing.”
Growing up, I watched my mom being busy all the time. With five children and a dislike for household chores (which she did anyway and the whole day through).
She often seemed irritated, annoyed, and tired. It was as if the “doing” left no room for “being”; she had no energy left.
Doing vs Being
So here I am, many years later, being a parent myself. My question is this: How about if we first establish the “being” and then the “doing?” For example, what if we asked ourselves,
“Who do I want to ‘be,’ before I ‘do’ anything?
Who do I want to ‘be’ while driving, talking, cooking, cleaning, playing, thinking, organizing, working at my job etc.?”
“Do I want to ‘be’ or ‘feel’ happy, accomplished, proud, or loving or exhausted?
In the morning, when I remember to “be” before I “do,” I go through the day with a different attitude. It’s as though my mind, emotions, and body belong together; they are not compartmentalized.
I work and act just a tad slower and with more awareness of myself. I can remember often that I am the one who makes stuff happen! I understand that I can be either intentional or “noncommittal” on a visceral level.
Around me, in my community, I observe that parents who combine “being” and “doing” come across differently than those who do not. These parents are empowered.
These empowered parents complain less and figure out how to make it work for their children and themselves.
And so we continue …