Benign neglect?
When my second child was born I used to put him on a blanket in the dining room. When my three-year-old was home he would go greet him and want to kiss him, over and over.
Many times I would step away so I would not be tempted to tell him to leave his baby brother be. I’m sure you can imagine how a three-year-old boy showers love on an infant!
I would peek in on them every so often to make sure all was ok and I would listen. A true job of letting go! I had to remind myself all the time that babies are pretty resilient and do not break easily. If the baby started to fuss I would go over. I had explained to my first son that he needed to be gentle and he always was. He was a careful little person.
If the baby started to fuss I would go over. I had explained to my first son that he needed to be gentle and he always was. He was a careful little person.
When my daughter was born, she loved the attention of her brothers. My oldest truly enjoyed “teaching” his brother how to be around the baby. He was a very experienced big brother at this point, being 4 years old.
Later on, when all three children would argue, I would take on the same attitude of ‘letting go.’ I was close by but trying not to interfere. Letting them figure things out. For example, on the
For example, on the playground, I would sit on the bench and read my book and observe every so often what was going on. Would you call it neglectful?
An experiment about “overprotective parents”
I read about an experiment where they brought a group of children near a cliff to see how they would behave. The ones with overprotective parents tended to be unaware of the danger of standing too close to the cliff whereas the “neglected ones” stayed well clear of the cliff because they had learned to rely on their instincts.
No one had to tell them to be careful – they were able to figure it out on their own.
Rest assured, no children were harmed during the experiment. And my question is, were kids harmed when they were not allowed to develop their own resilience?
And the journey continues!